We enjoyed a delicious and comforting brunch with other families from my agency this morning. The families are as anxious as I am, and many have been waiting longer. In an effort to compile information and to work towards transparency in the process, I want to post a link to a blog that talks about families being approved:
People are getting approvals (granted few and far between), but families with my agency are NOT; at least not yet. What does this mean? I don't know. Maybe approvals are being granted in groups and our agency forms have not been addressed at this point. However, the fact that some people are getting approvals in 13 days and there are families from my agency that have waited almost 90 seems absurd. What is "squeeky clean" paperwork? My child is 8 months old. Investigations have taken place by Vietnamese officials to find his life mother or other family. He has been available for domestic adoption. He has been matched with us, and we love him. I would love to know his life mother and learn her objectives for leaving him; I am sure she did it out of love. I would love to have her blessing at our Giving and Receiving ceremony and send her updates about how our child is thriving as he grows in the love of our family. Some day, I would love to take him back to meet her. However, I do not know who she is; she has given a false name and address. CIS and DofS are, sadly, not going to find her. And her son, my son, is living in an orphanage without a family.
How does the policy forcing Daniel to stay in an orphanage honor or help her. She loved him; I am 100% sure. She could have terminated her pregnancy, and she carried him, most likely in danger of being ostracized b/c of that choice. She gave him his life in a hospital where people she knew could take care of him were close by. She wanted him to thrive.
How does this policy honor our son? He could be with a family, right now, that loves him so much. He could be getting excellent medical care and constant attention. I could be answering his every cry to let him know that he can trust other people and form healthy attachments, and my husband could be holding him in his big, strong arms to make him feel safe all of the time.
How does this policy put the "orphan first"? No matter how many days we wait for approval, "the orphan" will be the one who suffers for it. Second, his life mother will suffer for it, because she will not have given him what she intended when she left him in the caring arms of her health care professionals. I am sure she wanted him to have a family. Finally, we are suffering. That sounds so trivial, but my heart is aching. I do love him, and only other mothers, life mothers and forever mothers, can understand the physical yearning that pulls every part of the throat, the chest and the arms of a person who is separated from her child.
Tonight we had a birthday party for my mom. I am thankful for her:
1) Her hands can heal me. 2) No matter what was happening in my life, she never let me feel afraid. 3) She always tells the truth. 4) She is a model for the kind of mother I want to be. 5) She is beautiful. 6) She is a talented writer, and I love to read her words. 7) I can trust her to love me, unconditionally, no matter what. 8) She is so much fun to be around. 9) She has sacrificed for me. 10) She has made me believe I have worth when I have forgotten. 11) She taught me about faith. 12) She taught me about perseverence. 13) I want to please her, so I am a better person. 14) She gave me a passion for books when she read to me every night of my childhood. 15) She helped me to see how happiness can be a choice. 16) She lets me cry, but she won't let me wallow.
I love you, Mom.
2 comments:
I really hope that you hear something soon!!!! They have to catch up at some point. At least there aren't any more holidays for a while.
I'm right there with you. Day 26 (I refuse to acknowledge the latest policy change to "working" days) and counting. We'll get there someday.
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