Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Past and I Love Daniel

Do you remember:
My prom theme:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ORc5Td_T6og
When Axl Rose seemed so hot:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ieouur9v8hk
When this was a a song to listen to over and over:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yRYpd3_roHg&feature=related
I was going to put a Violent Femmes song here, but then I realized that even though I still dig the music, the message is not one I can condone as a teacher or a mom. I listened to them on my "Walkman" on a field trip to the symphony. (shame)
My first real concert (I was a late bloomer):
http://youtube.com/watch?v=T8NhJNpQlsY
When this song made me cry:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8kpxNXZCLBg
This never seemed redundant:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QQHrspjw4aA
And...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KmBDgAcIt-0&feature=related
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pWW9RLnj4hg&feature=related
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hvi4iA3PnKE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BHRFZFmEq9o

That was fun.

Plus, I am not ignoring the news article or the DofS announcements. I think most of what is said has been said already except for the September 1 date for referrals. I cannot figure out how to comment about all of this yet except to say that I love Daniel. I am grateful to the friends I have made through this process, and I am so sad for those who are afraid, now, that their dossiers will not yield a referral in time to meet the deadline. I don't know what to say. This process has made me much more aware of the world. My rose colored glasses are permanently off, I am afraid. I think everyone is working for his own agenda, whatever that agenda may be. That is why there is fraud, and that is why people feel justified in defending unbelievably lengthy investigations (or non-investigations) for children who need homes. I am not blind to the problems in this world. All I have to do is go to work and see kids who are suffering at home, pregnant, in gangs, physically sick with problems they don't deserve. Kids are unfairly ostracized, and other kids are unable to see how their mistakes will affect their futures. Therefore, I am not one of those "things are meant to be" people because that would mean that a higher power meant for Daniel to spend his first year in an orphanage or that the same higher power means for some mothers to be unable to care for their children. I just do not believe that is the nature of our higher power; it is the nature of the world. This is a broken world. My loving Daniel does nothing to fix this broken world, but I think it does contribute to our lives being less broken, and love can never be wrong. I am very tired. My heart, my soul, my ability to cope are becoming broken with this broken world, except that I love Daniel. I want his investigation to take place, and I want an answer. I live in a powerful country with a government that is designed to help me as a citizen. I am not asking for an exemption from the process; I am asking that the process take place in an expedient and thorough manner. I am asking that this child, who I love, does not have to suffer any more because of this broken world.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the blast to the past! I just had a serious trip down memory lane. The Pixies were (still are) one of my absolute favorites. We could totally talk for hours, chica. I can tell.

Another thing in common: It's 4am over here and 'good old Appie & Jip' are wondering why *I* am up.

And the last section of your post:
(((((((((((hug)))))))))))))

Jill said...

Ahh the 80's such a great time!

Thinking of you I could not have written feeling more true to how I feel sometimes.

Alix said...

Completely agree with you. Completely agree about all the agendas at play. Truly a sad day for all of us. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and Daniel.

Mama Pajama said...

Love that!!!! So much fun...such good songs...

and even with the yucky news, you keep your chin up. Revolucion, REVOLUCION!

We are going to get through this.

((((hugs)))))