Yesterday, I took a form to our pediatrician's office for Daniel's new school. As soon as I entered, I noticed the cranky lady, who sometimes runs the intake window, was there. I put on my happy face and kill them with kindness attitude, and I proceeded to go through the "please ask Dr. so and so to fill out this form" protocol. The background with Lady is this: she doesn't like me. She doesn't like that Daniel is my son. I only suspected before based on her sour looks and disapproving tone, but yesterday, I found out for sure.
Everything complete, I set out to round up the boys who were playing together in a tent in the waiting room. There was no one else waiting, and the guys were having fun, so I sat down for a minute to listen to them giggle. This is what I heard Lady say, loud, "Why do people adopt from other countries? There are plenty of children in the US...more...more...etc."
I know that her opinion is pretty standard anti international adoption talk, and I am not naive; I understand that there are many people who are thinking/ wondering the same thing when they see my family. However, she was speaking in the receptionist seat at my PEDIATRICIAN's office IN FRONT of MY CHILDREN. I was steamed. I was so steamed that I did not say, "Domestic adoption is an excellent option, and if I knew when I began trying to adopt a baby back in 2005 what I have since learned, I might or might not have gone in that direction. However, I would not, for every bit of life inside of me, change one thing that brought me to MY SON." or "I bet you don't question the values, morals, and decisions of every pregnant woman who walks in this office for having a biological child instead of adopting one of the 'plenty' of available US children. People make family choices based on tons of criteria that are, clearly, none of your business." or "I was the fourth and last option for Daniel. He doesn't have a life mom, life family or domestic family to take care of him. I am his mother because of that. I would not have him growing up in an orphanage just because he is from Vietnam. All children deserve a safe, loving home, and Daniel has one."
Instead, I quickly grabbed one child in each arm and walked out of the door.
What next?
Option 1
Letter to Dr. asking for my children's records so we can go to a pediatrician's office that is designed to show respect for all families and children.
Option 2
Pick up form and tell Lady that I heard her asking questions about our adoption and I would love to help her understand our decisions, if she feels like she needs to, in a private setting, away from my children.
Option 3
Move on.
What would you do?
8 comments:
Oh my goodness, I haven't commented in ages but I've been keeping up...I would personally do all 3. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but when someone puts that above basic principles of respect and professionalism, well, it's just not acceptable and the doctor/office needs to know. In instances like this, she should keep her opinions to herself while at work an in front of patients (especially children). Who knows what other "opinions" she's used to disrespect paying patients. Normally I would just let it go, but in that type of setting, it's just not appropriate.
Oh, and Daniel is getting so big!! Such a precious child!!
Boy! As always, you show more grace than I would! Go check out Greensboro Pediatricians on Elam. I think that they have been great. I see Dr. Burbridge who really impressed me when Will had that freak accident and now with Charlie's kidney reflux. If he doesn't have an answer, he's curious and persistant enough to try and find out. And if he still doesn't know, he's one of the few docs that will tell you so.
What next?
Option 1
Letter to Dr. asking for my children's records so we can go to a pediatrician's office that is designed to show respect for all families and children. OR HOW THEY PLAN TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN GET THAT FOR THEM THERE. (if you like said DR)
I say do a combo of all 3 options. Ask for their records, state exactly why you are leaving, and move on. Onward and upward. It's a good thing you had the kids right there, it would have taken all my restraint not to fly over that counter and kick some patooty. Lol.
Mother of all that is Holy . . . where do these people come from? Honestly, having managed the finance end in medical settings, I would want to know if an employee was THAT unprofessional and indiscrete. Perhaps having to face you in a private setting where you might feel free to share with her to the extent that you feel appropriate would be a good "employee redirective" for her. As far as staying there, I am not sure that I would or could without a very clear and definitive resolution to her outrageously inappropriate behavior. And if she is so worried about all the precious American children needing homes, why doesn't she do something about it rather than judging others for preparing a home for the millions of other orphans in the world? A child without a home and family is still a child regardless of where on the planet they happen to be orphaned.
To that woman, I have only one question, "how many of those adoptable US children have YOU adopted recently???" Why would someone look down on anyone who helped a child, no matter where they were from? She is definitey in the wrong line of work, and the doctors she represents deserve to know about it. I know it's a point of view that's out there, but I just don't understand how anyone could judge someone who has made the choice to offer a child hope and a home. Good job not letting the woman bring you down to her level.
Absolutely ridiculous! I would definitely tell the pediatrician about this completely unprofessional and rude woman.
I agree with Meredith. I doubt the woman cares so option 2 would be lost on her. Obnoxious, and I'm so sorry!!!
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