LET ME BRING HIM HOME

I am tired of fighting the kids in my fourth period for their attention, Scotty about candy, THE WHOLE GOVERNMENT, should I just add "the man"? When I was 19, I had a list of everything I wanted to do before I died. It was a long list ranging from learn how to drive a stick (still haven't) to the last sentence, "fight injustice and oppression everywhere." G laughed for almost an hour when he read it. (I am an idealist, and he is, sigh, a bit of a cynic. We even each other out.) Geeze Louise, I didn't know that that last sentence was going to be a self fulfilling prophecy that would turn around to bite me in behunkus! So, here I am fighting injustice everywhere (granted at a slower and less effective pace than some of my more able and sharp PAP cohorts...You GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELVES!)

But, guess what, I don't want to. I just want MY BABY home. I want him home where I can make sure he is well. I want him home where he can have everything he needs for his development. I want him home where he can KNOW the love of a father, mother and brother that is unconditional and FOREVER. I am on adrenaline overdrive. I have resorted to phrases like HOLY MOLY and FOR HEAVENS TO BETSY for lack of a non-cussing word to describe my disbelief at the blind following some of my representatives seem to have for MISINFORMATION. PLEASE try to sedate me with information that at least seems plausible. Show me you have read at least ONE of my messages or know something about international adoption in general, please. I am trying to understand why you are attempting to make me feel guilty for wanting to help a 9 month old boy come home to a loving family instead of spending an indefinite amount of months in an orphanage. Just make someone really investigate his case. PLEASE. Don't leave him without a family because of a lack of information! I digress. I am so tired of fighting. COME ON JUSTICE. YOU FIGHT FOR MY CHILD. I BELIEVE IN GOODNESS, TRUTH, JUSTICE, HUMAN COMPASSION, INTEGRITY. I won't stop, but my idealism is taking a real beating.

Meanwhile, the year I met G., the year I made "the list", was the year my best friend died. Today. She was beyond true, good, compassionate. She was my touchstone for how life can be ok when everything seems upside down because she was an old soul, wise, beautiful. Even though she has been gone for 16 years now, it is for my dear friend, M, that I mourn today. I wish her here. God bless her family, because they are missing her, too.

Today I am thankful for my memories of M.:
1) Walking to school together through the woods. 2) Having our own language that no one could understand that we made on a bus trip when we were in 6th grade. 3) Making up dances with her (she was a real dancer). 4) Laughing in church. 5) Calling her from boarding school and college and feeling like I had seen her an hour ago. 6) The letter I got from her wishing me a late Happy Birthday the week she died.

How many days? 5 days until 60. (and one thankful to grow on)